53 sales, $30, 1 goal

MOLLY SKYLES
Assistant Editor

RED OAK — It’s Saturday evening, and I’m sitting on the living room floor of my apartment surrounded by a plethora of obscure items — an American flag lawn star, Barbara Bush’s biography, a neon green vase, Avon soap — none of which I can honestly say will improve the quality of my life by possessing. I’m perplexed; my shopping skills are better than this and Barbara’s earrings are extremely gaudy. Mostly, I’m exhausted.   

Let me explain how I got to this peculiar state. I was given $30 out of the Red Oak Express’ petty cash fund and told to hit as many of the 53 citywide garage sales as possible and buy whatever seemed fitting for our office. I was thrilled by this assignment.

While I value the need of reporting on City Council meetings or new school budgets, shopping will always make working more enjoyable.  

This mission began Friday morning. I wasn’t quite sure what I was looking for — maybe a new picture to hang in my office or funny coffee mugs to give to my coworkers.  I figured it would be on of those ‘I’ll know it when I see it’ situations.

It wasn’t.

One of my first stops was Karen Pratt’s house on Boundary St. Pratt was selling mostly furniture — a six-piece bedroom set in pristine condition despite being bought more than four decades ago, several end tables and half a dozen lamps. She used to work in interior design and collected a variety of items throughout the years.

“Ever seen that ‘Hoarders’ show?” she asked. I smiled and nodded, and she replied, “I’m kind of like that, a keep-all, but I’m clean, probably a little too clean. Some people set their stuff out to sell covered in dirt and dust. I polished all this furniture first.”

Pratt said she has been having garage sales since her and her family moved into their house 46 years ago, and there’s one sale in particular she will never forget. It was during 1992 she said and she had 27 tables for sale. After I picked my jaw up from the floor because, honestly, who has 27 tables to sell, she told me she had looked down to her driveway from a second story window and counted 150 people at the sale. For a second time my jaw rejoined my face, but too soon because next she said that sale led to a $1,800 profit. She didn’t expect this sale to be as bountiful; it was mainly just about getting rid of clutter.

“It’s time,” she repeated multiple times during our conversation where she also admitted to saving just about everything from her children’s childhoods, stuff they had been bugging her to get rid of for years.

Since a dresser or coffee table weren’t quite what the Red Oak Express office needed, my journey continued. I didn’t find a whole lot Friday, mostly people just cleaning out their homes selling odds and ends that didn’t amount to much. I did stumble upon a hideously fantastic brown and orange floral, plush love seat that would perfectly match the 1970’s décor of the office, and while haggling for a cheaper price sounded fun, the monstrosity would never fit in my tiny Nissan.

Fourteen garage sales later, Friday’s shopping concluded and I’d spent a mere $1.50 on a vase, which I plan to convert into a funky pen holder, and a mini Christmas tree, which I later learned was missing its stand. (I get people want to get rid of old junk and make a little cash along the way, but please don’t sell broken items or trash, it just makes people bitter.)

After a good night’s sleep and dousing my waffles in extra syrup to give me the sugar rush needed to function at 7 a.m. on a Saturday, I was out the door for my second attempt at garage saling. I was positive; it was a new day with beautiful weather in the forecast. I was going to find the perfect… it, whatever it might be.

Instead, here’s what I saw: clothes.

Trust me, I like clothes but not like this. Selling baby and kid’s clothing I get — they grow out of it before it has a chance to be worn in. Buy a few onesies at a fraction of the retail cost, wash them and the baby will never know the difference.

One woman, whose sale featured three 15 feet tables covered in just baby clothes and conveniently labeled for gender and size, said the problem is grandmas. She said there are three grandchildren in her family but enough clothes are bought for at least 10. Half the clothes were never worn and still had the tags.  

Nevertheless, I wasn’t in the market for baby clothes, which was the main attraction at about a third of Saturday’s sales. Almost all of the other sales I attended, though, had at least some adult clothing. I don’t mind gently used clothing, but come on — 1970’s plaid pants, 1980’s shoulder pads and 1990’s velvet floor-length dresses, just give it to charity, or better yet, burn those awful style hauntings of yesteryear. One place was even selling used women’s swimsuits. I don’t even need to explain my disgust in that, right?   

I was getting desperate. I still had almost the entire budget burning a hole in my pocket. I didn’t want to buy just anything, but I also didn’t want to buy nothing.

I’ve always loved garage sales. They hold so many memories; it’s like flipping through a photo album. There’s the set of dishes with the teacup Uncle Albert broke when he was laughing so hard at Christmas he knocked it off the table; that doll Amy never let go of, she even took it on a float trip once because she wouldn’t stop crying without it; the old desk Bobby carved his multiplication tables into when he concluded math was impossible.

These were the treasures and stories I was hoping to find, and while I don’t doubt they were out there somewhere mixed between the clothes and collection of at least 100 baskets I saw at one house, I was unsuccessful.  

My goal was to hit all 53 garage sales; I think I threw in the towel at about 39. I spent $20.50 of my $30 budget. Some of the items I bought I hope will actually go to use. I’ll hang the ribbon board in my office for pictures and notes, maybe we can construct a new stand for the Christmas tree and use it to decorate for the holidays and hopefully the occasional Democrat, general manager/editor, Greg Orear, will get a good laugh from “Simply Barbara Bush.”  

I still feel defeated though. Some of the sellers I met agreed. With 53 garage sales, one can’t possibly find anything. Ever go to a restaurant with a six-page menu and conclude you can’t find anything that looks good? Or when you have hundreds of television channels, but there is nothing to watch? The same phenomenon applies when there are 53 garage sales.  

Luke and Brenda Dow of 3rd St. were recently married and are trying to combine two houses into one.

“It’s been pretty slow today,” Brenda said. “There are just so many sales. People come and look but don’t buy anything. It’s like they’re holding out in case they see something better at the next place.”

The Dows said they plan to have more garage sales during the next few weeks in hopes they will sell more without as much competition.

I, however, do not plan to attend any more garage sales in the near future. I am officially burnt out on sifting through boxes of dingy old Tupperware, McDonald’s Happy Meal toys from 1987, partially used candles and cookbooks. Despite my apparent bitterness, (even though deep down I will always adore antiques and uncovering treasures) my garage sale experience taught me a few very profound lessons.

Number one: don’t turn down a great thing because you never know when the next opportunity will present itself. Case in point the green fluffy collapsible chair I passed up because I didn’t want to spend $10 too early in the day. I ended up having about $10 left at the end and no chair.

Number two: not everyone will share all your passions. Just because you couldn’t pass up buying every ceramic cat figurine you saw for the last 20 years does not mean I will be as smitten with your kittens, especially not when you charge $10 a piece.
And number three: newspaper offices have zero need for 95 percent of what is sold at garage sales. When is the last time anyone saw a decorative plate commemorating Christmas 1974 or a collection of wedding cake toppers and said, “That would go perfectly in a newspaper office?” The answer is never. Sorry corporate, I had a lot of fun but wasted $20.50 of the Red Oak Express’ money.

Now what would our conservative former first lady Barbara Bush have to say about that?