What's Going On: Three most harmful, or important words you can tell your son
As a father, the Facebook post seemed rather ominous: “The Three Most Harmful Words Parents Can Say To Their Son.”
I try to refrain from reading articles shared on Facebook. They remind me of intellectual potato chips. Initially, they sound appealing, but once you are done consuming them, you feel bloated, greasy and guilty of indulging in such a worthless and borderline harmful practice.
Regardless, I’m a parent of a son. So I had to click. I don’t want to run the risk of missing out on some valuable piece of parenting advice that might prevent my son from becoming a serial killer.
If I sound sarcastic and jaded, it’s because I am and I was before I even clicked the article’s link. The friend who shared it does not share my parenting philosophies, nor do I hers. In fact, in many regards, we couldn’t be more opposite.
She believes if you tell your child “no” you are stunting their creativity.
I don’t buy it.
She believes corporal punishment is barbaric and borderline criminal.
I don’t buy it.
While at a barbecue, she once audibly gasped, leaped out of her chair and ran after her then 4-year-old because he was within 100-feet of a bulldozer.
I laughed and watched my 3-year-old climb into the cab with the capable driver.
But still, I had to check. And sure enough, the article was a bunch of the, what I call, “new-age” parenting drivel I frequently find.
If you’re curious though, I’ll save you the time of having to look it up yourself to find out what those treacherous three words are.
Be a man.
That’s it. That’s what the author believes are the most dangerous and damaging words a parent can say to their son.
I don’t buy it.
In fact, I argue they might be the three most important words you can tell your son.
In full disclosure, the author was writing in the context of talking to your sons when as boys, they are dealing with emotions such as grief, fear or lack of confidence.
That’s fine. When my five-year-old son comes into my bedroom at 3 a.m. scared because he had a dream about flying snakes, I’m not going to tell him to act like a man, suck it up and go back to sleep. I would hope my reaction would be the same when that five-year-old is 15 and becomes weepy eyed because his first girlfriend just broke his heart.
But I contend there are far too many boys in men’s bodies who have not been told those three essential words:
Be A Man.
Our society is rampant with adult-sized boys. They are everywhere and they are a plague.
They are also easily identified. They are the ones who make decisions that clearly demonstrate where their priorities are.
For a single man, without a wife or children, it’s okay to act selfishly and immature. Their decisions will largely impact themselves only.
However, if their actions result in adding a wife or children to their everyday life, there is a point and time where it’s time to stop acting like a boy and more like a man.
These “boys in men’s bodies” are easy to spot. They spend too much time in bars, or on golf courses, or in the basement playing video games, instead of with their children.
They stay out too late, drink too much alcohol, and generally, act just like they did when they were single and without a family.
I see them in my own family and I find it difficult not to smack them in the ear and tell them to stop acting like a teenager and to in fact, act like a man. Act like someone who can be relied upon and looked upon for leadership.
Acting like a man, or a woman for that matter, is a maturity milestone. It has nothing to do with age, marital status or numbers of children. It has everything to do with not being a child.
To truly act like a man requires a certain level of commitment, personal integrity and dedication.
Our society needs more men. And before we get them, as parents, we need to tell our sons at some point in time to in fact, be a man.
Gregory Orear is the General Manager/Editor of the Red Oak Express and Glenwood Opinion-Tribune. He can be contacted at publisher@redoakexpress.com.