What's Going On: When doing something isn’t doing enough
I guess it’s time to reassess my parenting skills.
Apparently, I’ve been going about this all wrong. A Baltimore mother redefined what it takes to be, according to media reports, “heroic,” and the “mother of the year.”
Her name is Toya Graham and she spotted her teenage son participating in the Baltimore riots and attacks against police officers last week.
He was supposed to be home from school when she was watching television broadcasts of the riots and saw her boy, along with others, tossing rocks at police assembled to disperse the crowds.
So, she did what any good parent would do: she sought out her son, and once she found him, cursed him, smacked him in the head repeatedly, and physically removed him from the scene.
All this time, my wife and I have approached disciplining our children with the goal of not only correcting their behavior, but teaching them how to properly react to future situations. However, no matter the method of correction or transgression, we always tried to maintain two key elements: control and love.
Apparently, that’s the wrong approach.
According to media reports and social commentary, Ms. Graham’s approach of public humiliation, out-of-control anger, and verbal abuse is the way to go.
“At least she did something” seems to be the chorus of justification for elevating Graham to “heroic” status.
I don’t buy it.
I should add I can’t criticize Graham’s character or overall parenting skills. But with that said, I do find it problematic how her actions in this incident are being not only accepted, but revered and elevated to something worth emulating.
It’s not.
I agree it’s good she did something. Watching her son commit a felony from the comfort of her living room clearly isn’t the best approach.
However, it’s a sad commentary on the current state of parenting when just “doing something” is suddenly worthy of praise.
One lesson this teenage boy clearly hasn’t learned is how to properly deal with and address frustrating situations. He, along with a lot of other young black men across this country are angry at the number of them killed recently by police officers.
They have every reason to be.
But throwing rocks at policemen or burning cars or pharmacies is not the proper way to deal with those frustrations. There are better ways to try and seek a solution.
Yet that’s a lesson this boy hasn’t learned, and his mother showed why. When she too was confronted with a situation that frustrated and angered her, she responded in kind by, as she later admitted, “losing it.”
She cursed her son and struck him out of anger.
Most lacking, though, is the fact this boy has not learned to treat others with respect. That’s a lesson that’s been lost on a large segment of our population as for some reason, we believe if someone else is in the wrong, we can treat them however we choose.
Somebody doesn’t hold your political beliefs? Call them stupid. A cop somewhere used unnecessary force, causing harm to someone you don’t know? Throw rocks at them. Your own son doesn’t behave to your expectations? Swear at him.
I’m glad Ms. Graham loved her son and cared enough to do something. I’m glad she has enough of a moral compass to recognize what’s right and what’s wrong and to do everything she could to remove her son from a dangerous situation.
However, her behavior is not beyond reproach and is certainly unworthy of praise or imitation.
As parents, we should strive to do more than “something.” We should strive to do the right thing.
That’s an example worth following.
Gregory Orear is the General Manager/Editor of the Red Oak Express and Glenwood Opinion-Tribune. He can be contacted at publisher@redoakexpress.com.