When the news and mail go to the dog
Dogs have been much in the political news of late. Top Obama advisors and countless supporters want voters to know that Romney, back in 1983, put his dog in a pet carrier, strapped it to the top of his car, and set off on a family vacation. The implication is that this was an act of animal cruelty and renders Romney unfit for office. Romney supporters responded by pointing out a passage in Obama’s book in which he writes of eating dog.
The implication is that Romney’s pooch fared better than Obama’s.
Oddly, these reports were in the news on the same day I received a letter addressed to Smiley J. Marshall.
At one time we had a yellow Labrador named Smiley Johnson. He was a fine animal, one that would gladly have ridden on top of our car, with or without the carrier.
Years ago, probably about the time of Romney’s vacation, I sorted through the day’s mail and found a request asking the recipient to participate in the testing of “exciting new products.” The letter promised that a variety of food, clothing and beauty aids would be sent free of charge if I or a member of my household would try them and offer an opinion.
With Smiley Johnson dozing at my feet, I completed the enclosed form. I did so on a whim, but also with some curiosity as to what products Smiley would be asked to test. I filled in the blanks asking for gender, age, annual income and address. In the space for race I printed “Labrador Retriever,” and signed the name Smiley Johnson Marshall.
No products were ever delivered. Instead, Smiley began receiving credit card applications, frequent flier solicitation, coupons, invitations to Disneyland and the offer of an all-expense-paid three-day trip to the Ozarks. Most went directly to the trash, although we did fill out an inquiry about a reverse mortgage. I believe, had Smiley chosen to pursue the matter, he’d have gotten an appraisal on his doghouse.
What I find surprising is that we’ve had three changes of address since Smiley received his first credit card. I haven’t responded to a Smiley solicitation for two decades. The mail, though, keeps coming and always with the current address.
Smiley, dead for 20 years, is somehow tracked.
His most recent letter, the one that came the day the presidential dog controversy was swirling, was from a company called Colonial Penn.
Smiley, by their records, has reached Medicare eligibility age. They want to send him, without charge, a booklet containing important facts with up-to-date Medicare benefit information. Colonial Penn is trying to sell good old Smiley some posthumous health insurance.
The packet included an 800- number. I called, told the pleasant lady who answered the story on Smiley Johnson and suggested she remove him from their mailing list. She wasn’t sure she could, but would try. She might also want to see if Seamus, Romney’s Irish setter, is in their system.
Roy Marshall is a local historian and columnist for the Red Oak Express. He can be contacted at news@redoakexpress.com.